Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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