Can Purell be used as lube?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
