no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
