Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
