Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
