yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
