ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i came on her dog
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
