dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
