you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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