who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
