And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
