ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize