life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
