did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
