70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
