he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
