Do you still have your period?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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