The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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