Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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