but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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