I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
