yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
