i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
