Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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