You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
