kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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