ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
