Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
