Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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