Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I AM VODKA MAN
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
