Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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