How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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