so explain again why im purple
no
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
