his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Of course I have a pirate flag
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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