i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize