We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
