I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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