it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
