So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
