More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
babies were throwing up all over the place
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
