i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
