I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
