I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
