We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
