I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
