Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I want her autograph on my taint
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
