eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
