I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
