You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the room spins SO much faster in panama
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
