she was so not down for the gang bang
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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