your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
