As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
