she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Houston, we have a blender
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
