bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
