sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
