dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My life is pants optional.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
