I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When are your genitals available?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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