God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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