What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My first STD was from a foam party
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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