Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
