I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
