So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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