hell yes lets make some ravioli
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
