fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
