I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
