i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
