So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
