Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize