omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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