How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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