Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
one might say we're banned from that church
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
