Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she told me i tasted like america
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
