I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
