If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
