I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
