Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize