Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she peed on how many people?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
